Jose Mourinho has done the right thing and apologised to Everton and Andy Johnson.

"Did Andy Johnson try to avoid a collision with my goalkeeper?," said the Chelsea boss. "It seems now the answer to that is yes so Everton, his manager and he deserve my apologies."

In other news: the sky is falling and cats are mating with dogs in the street. So here are some other things which were previously impossible but we can now fully expect to happen.

Arsene Wenger fields an Arsenal team of over 30s. And they're all English.

Sheffield United motormouth Neil Warnock answers a question with "no comment".

Ashley Cole gives away his material possessions (including Tweedy) and becomes a Buddhist monk.

Kevin Keegan outwits Alex Ferguson.

"Andy Reid's Big Diet Book" makes the best-seller list.

Watford go the rest of the season unbeaten.

Darren Fletcher voted player of the season at Manchester United.

Sam Allardyce fields a Bolton team of under 21s. And they're all English.

Premiership team rests star player ahead of big Carling Cup tie.

Harry Redknapp resigns Marco Boogers. "He deserves a second chance" says 'Arry.

Graeme Souness is hired by the UN to replace Kofi Annan.

Alan Shearer comes out of retirement. To play for Sunderland.