Hank Hill Hates Soccer

Filed in archive US Soccer on May 5, 2006

image: about.com

I was feeling very upbeat about soccer in America this week. MLS is looking decent, Bruce Arena just announced his World Cup squad live on ESPN SportsCenter (like an American Sky Sports News), and the business world thinks soccer in America may have reached an unstoppable tipping point. But then I saw an episode of "King Of The Hill."

The episode, titled "Three Coaches And A Bobby", reminded me just how much certain sections of America hate soccer. It was all tongue in cheek but basically played to the crowd who view soccer as a less than manly sport. When Bobby leaves his 'Cougars' american football team in favour of 'The Wind' soccer team, Hank isn't impressed:

HANK: Bobby, I never thought I'd need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.

BOBBY: Why do you have to hate what you don't understand?

HANK: I don't hate you, Bobby.

BOBBY: I meant soccer.

HANK: Oh. Oh, yeah, I hate soccer. Yes.

Bobby, God bless him, was terrible at American football, but loves his new all-inclusive sport. "The soccer team needs me," he proudly tells his dad. "I'm one of the nine co-captains."

Even worse, Coach Lucas (voiced by Will Ferrell) lacks that win-at-all-costs attitude. He celebrates when the final whistle blows on a 1-1 draw. "Tie game, everyone's a winner. Hurray!"

"King Of The Hill" is a well written show, and the characters normally end the episode by learning to resolve their differences. But not this week. The conflict between Bobby and the American football loving Hank is finally resolved when Bobby abandons soccer mid-match - with 'The Wind' beating the 'Puff N' Stuff' - to help out his old 'Cougars' teammates who are losing 0-30 on the next field. "I'd rather be on a losing football team than a winning soccer team," explains Bobby.

Hopefully this summers World Cup might teach the Hank Hills out there just how tough a sport soccer is. And with USA competing against Italy, the Czech Rep. and Ghana in Group E they may learn the value of a well earned draw.